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Why Can't I Conceive?

D M

Hello Everyone!

 My name is Denielle and I am the owner of Love For Mama. I am writing to introduce myself (My first ever blog post) and tell you a little bit about how Love For Mama started.  In order to tell the full story, it is important to take you on a little journey with me.I think it will help you all to understand how it all started, a place of pure gratitude for being given the opportunity to be a Mama.  It is one I cherish so very much.

For as long as I can remember I wanted to have kids.  I was lucky enough to have a sister 12 years younger than me so I was able to practice my maternal instincts and help my parents with her all the time.  My mom always said if there were little kids around, as a young adolescent that is where she could find me. I always had the dream of a family and kids. For most of my high-school years I spent my time babysitting.  When I met my husband it was a topic discussed pretty quickly in our relationship, I always wanted to build a family and I was ready to have one.

Shortly after My husband and I got married we started trying to conceive. After a year of of trying and so much frustration as everyone around me was getting pregnant.  I knew in my gut that something was wrong, it was time to see my Gynecologist and discuss options and to get answers.  I came to this point of acceptance that is was time to see a doctor after a year of tears, crying myself to sleep most nights and not understanding why.  A year where every single month I waited for that day my period came, praying and talking to god about it and hoping it didn't come.  But sure enough my period came every time and every time I was devastated  The world of infertility was a foreign world to me, one that I was petrified of.  I didn't even know what questions to ask and to be quite honest I was embarrassed by all of it.  Embarrassed to have to talk to the doctor, embarrassed to have to answer questions to my friends and family.  This was a very dark time in my life that I couldn't talk about.  I didn't think it was fair, how was this happening to me?  The thoughts running through my head were, "People get pregnant every day and why cant I?" and "How can I be a woman and not be able to reproduce?" 

Even though I dreaded the doctor visit, I knew I needed answers, I needed to know what I was up against, so it was time to go.  I was asked all the usual questions:  How long have you been trying to conceive? Are you tracking when you ovulate?  etc.

My gynecologist suggested that we try an iui to increase our chances of conceiving. For those of you that are new to this fertility world and terminology this stands for intrauterine insemination which is a fertility treatment that involves placing the sperm inside a woman's uterus to facilitate fertilization.  The goal of an IUI is to increase the number of sperm that reach the fallopian tubes and increase the chance of fertilization.This was tough news to hear, you always envision that magical night of conceiving your children, romantic, spontaneous an oops, whatever it may be.  I had to wrap my head around the fact that this would never happen for me and my husband, and this was a tough pill to swallow.  One I had to digest for some time and one I kept mostly inside.  I really couldnt talk about it because I was ashamed and hurt, and jealous of how easy it was for other to conceive.  And quite honestly I was just mad at the world.  

What I did next, I just digested it all for a while and gathered my thoughts.  I tried to figure out how I was going to mentally prepare myself to take on this challenge.  I vividly remember these feelings and how sad I was.  For those of you going through this right now, I am here for you.  Please feel free to reach out to me, I am happy to answer any questions for you as I take you through this journey.  It is not easy, it is scary and lonely but there is a strength you build as you go through this that builds character.  I also highly recommend finding a support group like Resolve.  In retrospect I wish I had done this, it would have helped me to navigate through this time with people going through exactly what I was.  My advice is to find your community so you have a support group. I now donate a percentage of all proceeds from Love For Mama to Resolve.  Resolve is a charity helping families battling infertility and it helps to provide financial and emotional support.  Thank you for reading along and I will be back soon to tell you more about this journey of mine.

XO,

Denielle


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